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QUELLO CHE RESTA

Pensavo che dopo la giornata di oggi,dove la mia testa e’ stata affollata da terribili fantasmi,stasera qui avrei scritto solo lamentazioni tristissime e malesseri.
Invece no, non e’ cosi, nonostante il dolore, talmente forte da farmi svenire,
quello che mi resta sono solo cose dolci e calde.
Dolci come una fetta di torta al cioccolato che un barista premuroso ti ricopre di panna e fragole, mangiata in un bar con un amico che mette da parte il rancore dell’ultima litigata
e ti coccola cercando di non dare peso alla tua faccia sfatta.
Caldo come un bicchiere di buon vino bianco che ti scende nella gola, come una cena attorno a un tavolo con dei buoni vecchi amici, che ti conoscono e si preoccupano di te in silenzio, sbirciandoti di sottecchi, pronti ad abbracciarti se dovessi cadere da un momento all’altro.
Dolci come le risate fatte per niente, solo perche’ si vuole essere un po’ felici, solo per ricordarci che siamo insieme e che si puo’ stare bene.
Calde come il buio della stanza interotto dalla luce dello schermo, mentre si vede un film stupido per la centesima volta.
Dolce come vedere che una tua amica potrebbe stare iniziando un sogno bellissimo, che nasce sotto i tuoi occhi, facendoti dimenticare i tuoi cazzi per preoccuparti solo di lei, facendoti incrociare le dita e sperare che vada tutto bene.
Si, dolci come la speranza.
E caldi come la sua voce che non senti da un po’, ma che e’ pronta a consolarti, a starti vicina, a bisbigliarti parole di rassicurazione nell’orecchio,  mentre si sente in colpa di non poter essere lì a stringerti forte.
Sì, non me lo aspettavo ma e’ così, della giornata di oggi non mi resta il dolore rinato nel petto, non mi resta la paura, la nostalgia e l’assenza di una persona che non c’e’ piu’, che non c’era piu’ da tanto tempo. Di una persona che solo casualmente e’ ritornata così forte nel ricordo per colpirmi, come otto anni fa’. Lo so, che e’ bastato un attimo, e’ bastato rivivere pochi istanti simili a quella notte perche’ tutto ritornasse alla mente vivvido e pungente. Ma al posto di restarmi qui nel cervello per farmi rivivere tutto questa giornata lo ha cancellato, coprendolo di amicizia e di presenze.
Sono queste le cose che mi restano di un giorno triste: la consapevolezza di avere degli amici pronti a starmi accanto, le risate, le carezze e gli abbracci, la voglia di essere piu’ felice e di vivere tutte queste cose, godendole, la voglia di andare avanti, e una strana sensazione di famiglia. E se ora nel mio letto dovessi piangere non sarebbe piu’ di tristezza, ma di commozzione per la fortuna di avere avuto accanto oggi tutte queste persone.


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This entry was posted Tuesday, March 27th, 2007 at 03:52 and is filed under tracce di memoria. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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